Hell in a Handbasket?

I have an ongoing argument going with my mother.  She insists that crime wasn’t as bad when she was younger (and most likely was even better before her time) and that “things” are getting worse.  I argue that it isn’t.  People are just as they have always been; they lie, cheat, steal, and kill.  It is also our nature to put a glittery varnish on the past and make it seem a whole lot better than it really was. 

I found proof though.  (http://www.disastercenter.com/crime/uscrime.htm)  Crime rates from 1960 to 2009, the actual numbers and the rate per 100,000 people in the US.  I looked at murder rates because murders don’t usually go unreported; a body is found and it is investigated.  Other crimes, a victim may or may not report it.  Also you have the issue of how time has changed what is considered a crime.  Rape is a prime example of this.  Date rape wouldn’t have been a consideration earlier on; if you knew the man who attacked you then what did you do to lead him on?  There was more of a stigma; “good girls” didn’t even get into situations where they could be raped, so what kind of girl are you if you have it happen to you?

What I saw regarding murder was interesting.  True, the sheer volume of murders in 2009 was higher than any year before 1970, although even by strictly the recorded number of murders it was higher from 1970 and on, but when you take into account the difference in population size and look at the rate per 100,000 people there are actually only 4 years that have a lower murder rate.  Only from 1961-64 was the murder rate lower than it was in 2009.  But if the country is on a runaway train of crime and going to hell in a hand basket then how is this possible?

Even in the 1960’s there were plenty of fairly rural areas, the kind of places that had newspapers that would report when a resident had someone from the next town over visit for the afternoon (and yes, in my family research I’ve seen things like this in the news.)  Nothing much happened, and realistically when something bad happened no one wanted to really talk about it.  Gossiping over the fence about it was OK, but talking openly about how Mr. Smith gets drunk and beats his wife; well that’s just not nice conversation.  People are more open now so that has changed things some. 

My argument is the media and how quickly information is shared now.  You don’t have to wait for information to filter its way to you, you can go online and look up the local news in Phoenix, AZ or Charlotte, NC if you so desire.  Consider the case of Casey Anthony, now pretty much the whole country considers her guilty of killing her daughter (and talks about what a shame it is), but in 1960 would the whole country had even heard about it?  Realistically, it might not have caught the attention of anyone except for those that live in that area. 

The world has gotten smaller, information wise, and the media is a business.  News is about ratings, if the ratings aren’t good then they can’t make money, so they have to select the most sensational stories.  A family of four gets massacred, that will get attention even if it happened on the other side of the country.  So we hear about a lot more of the bad because it gets attention, yet it also gives the feeling that horrible things are now happening all the time.  The reality is that horrible things have always happened, but the whole country usually wasn’t aware of them.  I read a story about a man in Medina that slaughtered his whole family (I believe with an ax in a rather grizzly manner) and most of the country never heard about it.  It happened before 1900, but now that would be a story on every 24 hour news network.

Politicians are worse than zombies

While lying in bed trying to ditch a migraine I had the realization that zombies are better than politicians.  I know, I know, it might sound a little crazy.  Zombies are rotting undead stumbling around trying to eat our brains, so what could be worse?  Seriously though, politicians are worse.

Consider this:

Zombies are just doing what they’re supposed to do.  Well, sure, they’re supposed to be dead, but through no fault of their own they aren’t so you can’t really hold that against them.  Actually, zombies are usually attributed to some strange government disaster (leaking toxins or a disease manufactured in some lab as a possible bio-weapon), which means that politicians are partially to blame because they approved the government funding to those mad scientists because of the perks they got from lobbyists.  Anyway, their diet happens to be people.  We don’t get mad at the lion for wanting to eat a gazelle; that’s just what they do.  True, we are used to being the top of the food chain, but when you have mad scientists meddling (thanks to politicians willing to sell out their constituents to some wealthy lobbyists) that can mess with the natural order of things.

So, yes, a zombie would dine on the brains of his own mother, but that still makes him better then a politician.  A zombie can’t help his desire to feed on what is his food source.  On the other hand you have politicians who, I truly believe, would sell the souls of their own mothers if it would benefit them.  I think they’d be willing to sell their own souls too, but along with honesty and integrity, it is a little hard to tell if politicians actually possess those items.  If they once had them then I think they must have been the first things sold off to the highest bidders.

Which brings us to another point: zombies are open about what they are.  Zombies wander around looking kind of disgusting, moan sometimes, and are just obviously zombies.  They’re up front about it, although realistically they might try to be a little more deceptive if they had the cognitive abilities, but even without deception there are still plenty of people that get easily trapped and make a tasty snack.  Politicians are deceptive.  They will say whatever it takes to get reelected and then do whatever the highest bidders want anyway.  Then again, just as there are plenty of people that get cornered in rooms with no escape by zombies there are also plenty that are surprised when a politician doesn’t follow through with his campaign promises.

So maybe zombies and politicians aren’t that different, but still I think politicians are worse.

Beauty Should Be In the Eye of the Beholder Looking In the Mirror

No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they're pretty, even if they aren't.

Marilyn Monroe

I now have a little girl and I am torn. I tell her every day that she is pretty and she just eats it up. When I tell her that she’s such a pretty little girl she does this adorable thing where she smiles and her head turns sideways a little bit, almost like she’s trying to be modest while lapping up the compliment. Then again she isn’t even two months old, so it could just be poor neck control.

Yet, I’m unsure if I should tell her she’s pretty so much. I worry about instilling in her the idea that her value is in her physical beauty (which is substantial.) I also tell her how strong she is, how smart she is. I have no qualms about those, but the pretty I feel like I’m walking a fine line. I didn’t have this dilemma with my sons. I told them they were cute, handsome, smart, and strong. I still do. Yet with her I worry about putting too much emphasis on pretty.

I think it is understandable though. In our culture today there is so much emphasis on a woman’s physical beauty. Girls are bombarded with pictures of attractive women professionally made to look as perfect as possible with makeup, posing, and air brushing. It distorts the bar for true beauty. Even famous beautiful women (truly beautiful women) are mocked if they are captured on film lacking make up and beautiful clothing. We’ve been conditioned that real beautiful women wear professionally done make up and evening gowns all the time.

Inner beauty is widely ignored, which is sad. Inner beauty is what makes a woman truly beautiful. A wonderful personality, spirit, and soul makes or breaks a woman. The most beautiful super model is ugly without it. Even the plainest woman is endeared and loved with it.

This is one of the things I dreaded whenever I thought of possibly ever having a daughter. How do you make her realize that she is beautiful without making her think that is all that matters? How do you make her a strong woman that can stand up to all of the difficulties of being a woman? Those, and that whole how in the world am I going to deal with her when she starts having PMS? (Just a warning for all, it will be like freaking WWIII once that starts.)

So Covergirl IS war paint?!?

Here is a little fact that you don’t read about in many parenting books, no pregnancy books that I can think of, and isn’t covered in childbirth classes: as a mother, you are the warrior for your child. This is kind of an intimidating thought. As if knowing you’re responsible for the care of a little being isn’t worrisome enough, but add to it the knowledge that you will be one of the few, possibly only, that will fight tooth and nail for your child’s well being… YIKES!


True, rarely is armor or spears needed, although many good mothers would be all too happy to use either for the well being of their children, but as mothers we usually come across choices and battles that we never foresaw as we held our babies just moments after their grand arrival. We can’t anticipate what they’ll be. For some it will be battling with doctors to get the best health care for their children. For some it will be battling with schools for the best education. Plenty will battle with their children to help them be the people we knew they could be.

The good news is that as women we really are equipped to handle these battles. I never understood the idea of women being the weaker sex. True, in general we are physically weaker (although don’t tell that to the woman on the cover of the weight lifting magazine), but women have an incredible emotional and mental strength. We may throw a vase (or any other small to mid-sized object, occasionally anything we can lift) at your head, but that doesn’t mean we’re emotionally weaker. Nor does crying when mad, sad, happy, or it is a day that ends in “y”; it just means we are more expressive.

We’re familiar with, “"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned," written by William Congreve. The reality is the fury of a woman scorned is nothing compared to a woman fighting for her child. A woman scorned is like a friendly disagreement compared to a woman fighting for the best interests of her child. Don’t doubt this.

So go ahead and put on that Covergirl war paint! Seriously, use the eye shadow to draw lines across your cheeks; it might freak out the administration at your kid’s school so much that if you ever have an issue with them they’ll cave immediately instead of having to deal with the crazy lady that wears blue eye shadow across her cheeks. (Hey, they claim blue is “in” again!)

Just a little friendly advice

In honor of mother’s day I thought I would administer some advice. Not that I’m an expert, although I have had a psychology class and four kids, so in some ways that does make me more of an expert than some of the alleged experts. So here it is: no matter what you do you will screw up your kids.

Now, don’t take this the wrong way, take this in the liberating spirit that it is intended. Regardless of how you parent someone, somewhere, on the planet will argue vigorously that you are doing it wrong. Breast, bottle, CIO, co-sleep, homes school, public school… regardless someone will be adamant that you are making a huge mistake and your child will pay for that mistake. The reality is most of us are loving (although frazzled) mothers who will raise decent human beings. Most of us won’t have children in and out of rehab more times than Robert Downey Jr., nor are most of us raising a real life Norman Bates. This should be reassuring.

The reality of parenting is there is such a wide array of parenting methods because what works for one family doesn’t always work for another. Heck, even within the same family what works for one kid won’t work for another. We muddle through, trust our gut when we can, spend countless hours staring at a ceiling second guessing ourselves, and get the job done. And most likely our kids will be just fine, as kids have been through the centuries.

Also know that regardless of what you do, your child will also think you’re doing it wrong. It begins young, that first tantrum after being told “no” is proof of that. It gets worse before it gets better, so toughen that skin Mommy. At some point you will hear some version of how you are the worst mother ever and are hated or they wish they’d never been born. At those moments that joy you felt over their first words is kind of a slap in the face, but remember it is all part of the experience.

It is a rocky ride, but it is worth it. And remember, eventually your children are probably going to have children of their own, and they too will be told that they are parenting wrong (even by you) and will have their children telling them they are the worst parent ever, and hopefully you get to be the grandmother they run to when they need consoled!