In honor of mother’s day I thought I would administer some advice. Not that I’m an expert, although I have had a psychology class and four kids, so in some ways that does make me more of an expert than some of the alleged experts. So here it is: no matter what you do you will screw up your kids.
Now, don’t take this the wrong way, take this in the liberating spirit that it is intended. Regardless of how you parent someone, somewhere, on the planet will argue vigorously that you are doing it wrong. Breast, bottle, CIO, co-sleep, homes school, public school… regardless someone will be adamant that you are making a huge mistake and your child will pay for that mistake. The reality is most of us are loving (although frazzled) mothers who will raise decent human beings. Most of us won’t have children in and out of rehab more times than Robert Downey Jr., nor are most of us raising a real life Norman Bates. This should be reassuring.
The reality of parenting is there is such a wide array of parenting methods because what works for one family doesn’t always work for another. Heck, even within the same family what works for one kid won’t work for another. We muddle through, trust our gut when we can, spend countless hours staring at a ceiling second guessing ourselves, and get the job done. And most likely our kids will be just fine, as kids have been through the centuries.
Also know that regardless of what you do, your child will also think you’re doing it wrong. It begins young, that first tantrum after being told “no” is proof of that. It gets worse before it gets better, so toughen that skin Mommy. At some point you will hear some version of how you are the worst mother ever and are hated or they wish they’d never been born. At those moments that joy you felt over their first words is kind of a slap in the face, but remember it is all part of the experience.
It is a rocky ride, but it is worth it. And remember, eventually your children are probably going to have children of their own, and they too will be told that they are parenting wrong (even by you) and will have their children telling them they are the worst parent ever, and hopefully you get to be the grandmother they run to when they need consoled!
Now, don’t take this the wrong way, take this in the liberating spirit that it is intended. Regardless of how you parent someone, somewhere, on the planet will argue vigorously that you are doing it wrong. Breast, bottle, CIO, co-sleep, homes school, public school… regardless someone will be adamant that you are making a huge mistake and your child will pay for that mistake. The reality is most of us are loving (although frazzled) mothers who will raise decent human beings. Most of us won’t have children in and out of rehab more times than Robert Downey Jr., nor are most of us raising a real life Norman Bates. This should be reassuring.
The reality of parenting is there is such a wide array of parenting methods because what works for one family doesn’t always work for another. Heck, even within the same family what works for one kid won’t work for another. We muddle through, trust our gut when we can, spend countless hours staring at a ceiling second guessing ourselves, and get the job done. And most likely our kids will be just fine, as kids have been through the centuries.
Also know that regardless of what you do, your child will also think you’re doing it wrong. It begins young, that first tantrum after being told “no” is proof of that. It gets worse before it gets better, so toughen that skin Mommy. At some point you will hear some version of how you are the worst mother ever and are hated or they wish they’d never been born. At those moments that joy you felt over their first words is kind of a slap in the face, but remember it is all part of the experience.
It is a rocky ride, but it is worth it. And remember, eventually your children are probably going to have children of their own, and they too will be told that they are parenting wrong (even by you) and will have their children telling them they are the worst parent ever, and hopefully you get to be the grandmother they run to when they need consoled!
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