So Covergirl IS war paint?!?

Here is a little fact that you don’t read about in many parenting books, no pregnancy books that I can think of, and isn’t covered in childbirth classes: as a mother, you are the warrior for your child. This is kind of an intimidating thought. As if knowing you’re responsible for the care of a little being isn’t worrisome enough, but add to it the knowledge that you will be one of the few, possibly only, that will fight tooth and nail for your child’s well being… YIKES!


True, rarely is armor or spears needed, although many good mothers would be all too happy to use either for the well being of their children, but as mothers we usually come across choices and battles that we never foresaw as we held our babies just moments after their grand arrival. We can’t anticipate what they’ll be. For some it will be battling with doctors to get the best health care for their children. For some it will be battling with schools for the best education. Plenty will battle with their children to help them be the people we knew they could be.

The good news is that as women we really are equipped to handle these battles. I never understood the idea of women being the weaker sex. True, in general we are physically weaker (although don’t tell that to the woman on the cover of the weight lifting magazine), but women have an incredible emotional and mental strength. We may throw a vase (or any other small to mid-sized object, occasionally anything we can lift) at your head, but that doesn’t mean we’re emotionally weaker. Nor does crying when mad, sad, happy, or it is a day that ends in “y”; it just means we are more expressive.

We’re familiar with, “"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned," written by William Congreve. The reality is the fury of a woman scorned is nothing compared to a woman fighting for her child. A woman scorned is like a friendly disagreement compared to a woman fighting for the best interests of her child. Don’t doubt this.

So go ahead and put on that Covergirl war paint! Seriously, use the eye shadow to draw lines across your cheeks; it might freak out the administration at your kid’s school so much that if you ever have an issue with them they’ll cave immediately instead of having to deal with the crazy lady that wears blue eye shadow across her cheeks. (Hey, they claim blue is “in” again!)

Just a little friendly advice

In honor of mother’s day I thought I would administer some advice. Not that I’m an expert, although I have had a psychology class and four kids, so in some ways that does make me more of an expert than some of the alleged experts. So here it is: no matter what you do you will screw up your kids.

Now, don’t take this the wrong way, take this in the liberating spirit that it is intended. Regardless of how you parent someone, somewhere, on the planet will argue vigorously that you are doing it wrong. Breast, bottle, CIO, co-sleep, homes school, public school… regardless someone will be adamant that you are making a huge mistake and your child will pay for that mistake. The reality is most of us are loving (although frazzled) mothers who will raise decent human beings. Most of us won’t have children in and out of rehab more times than Robert Downey Jr., nor are most of us raising a real life Norman Bates. This should be reassuring.

The reality of parenting is there is such a wide array of parenting methods because what works for one family doesn’t always work for another. Heck, even within the same family what works for one kid won’t work for another. We muddle through, trust our gut when we can, spend countless hours staring at a ceiling second guessing ourselves, and get the job done. And most likely our kids will be just fine, as kids have been through the centuries.

Also know that regardless of what you do, your child will also think you’re doing it wrong. It begins young, that first tantrum after being told “no” is proof of that. It gets worse before it gets better, so toughen that skin Mommy. At some point you will hear some version of how you are the worst mother ever and are hated or they wish they’d never been born. At those moments that joy you felt over their first words is kind of a slap in the face, but remember it is all part of the experience.

It is a rocky ride, but it is worth it. And remember, eventually your children are probably going to have children of their own, and they too will be told that they are parenting wrong (even by you) and will have their children telling them they are the worst parent ever, and hopefully you get to be the grandmother they run to when they need consoled!